I won't stop even if no one reads me...

There is something about blogspot.com that makes it easier for me to talk about my stuff. Though I get saddened that I do not get any comments or feedback about it. Thus it makes me think I am just talking to myself and no one is reading what I am writing.

But it's better. Cause there is hope. Maybe one day someone stumbles over here and reads what I write. Can relate to me a little? Say a nice word. I know how other people get comments and reviews: by advertising among their friends. I have a huge social circle but the truth is, I write what bites them. My last post created mayhem when a few read it. Yes it was a vent. My feelings. I was very angry and hurt at that time. Unlike others, I don't go and just shed everything I am sad and hurt about to other people. The reason? I am not used to it. I am not comfortable in relying on people and it is just such a foreign concept to me. I am scarred because I have met many horrible people in my short life time and experienced a lot of unethical liars. It is so normal. Who hasn't come across those roaches eh? Yet I am sad to admit today that I am too sensitive and not like others. I think too much, feel too much and many times I can't breathe. It's hard for me to breathe.

I live a good life I mean... I have a set of amazing parents. They love me. They are busy and have their own problems and we have been suffering financially for a well... a long time... but yeah they still love. I know that very well. I have big brother. He sometimes texts and facebooks me when he has some free time from his medical school. I love him a lot. Of course. He is away now. But I hope he loves me back too.

I have expectations. Too many of them. Sadly they all crash... but i know if accidentally if one of them ... the most insignifficant one of them... comes true... I get so incredibly happy. Overjoyed.

It's not like my life sucks. It doesn't. I have good things. I have a talent. I am partly successful in school and social life. My grades are above average. I am good company. I am strong (?).

There is just... this emptiness inside of me. A hole in my heart. I can't be happy. Stay happy. I think too much. Assume too much. Expect too much. I need out. It's like I am confined in a four wall space and I just can't get out. No... more exactly I feel like I am underwater and I can't breathe.

What's wrong with me?