Saying that, I should continue with my rant. Right now I should be tensed. Or more than I already am. In a few hours I am supposed to participate in Grammathon. It's a big event with a number of competitions. I have never made a short film before. I am a little scared that I won't be able to win. I really want to win. I think I might have to go another hurdle with myself if I don't end up winning. My mid-term grades weren't that amazing either. Physics and Math was well... I had Ds in them. :( The others though (World History, AICT and Media Studies) weren't that bad; B, B and A. Again with the sciences and math. Again with them. It has made me realize that I am not dumb. At all. I used to think that I am actually a blonde but no... I am not. I just don't study stuff I don't like. It silly of people to assume and label me because for God's sakes... World History and Media is hard. and I have bagged good grades in them. A generally stupid person cannot do that. I am not stupid. I am an intellect running away from opening the books subjected to Math and Physics... and even THEN i haven't failed. Dude. Like... Seriously. I am so awesome I am bathing in my own glory.
*moment of epic silence*
*breathes out slowly*
Oh yeaahh...
On other news, I have grammathon tomorrow. I am participating in two media events. and a writing one. Writing one is something I love to do and I am not aiming to win it. The former though I want to win. Get those trophies. Prove to the world on my amazingness. Yet again. But I have never made a short film before. I want to. And I shall. I am afraid again that I won't be able to cook something that I really WANT to but then again where will I get the serene and beautiful settings that I dream of? The production. The Actors. The mid-air turn and the silent laugh. The crash of beautiful things. Poetic. Literature.
Silly. My writing and literature has dragged me to media too. When I am with such stuff or reading or writing or listening to good music... I am myself more than ever. The silent smile that comes over my face and the humming birds that flutter inside... it's me. I am an emotional and sentimental person and I like devotion to things I like and love to do. People have betrayed me and I have moved on. Expectations crash. I know it's life and it's cruel but everyone is trying to survive on their own pace. I am surviving like this.
Thus the point is I have no prior preparation for tomorrow. I should have but then again even in LUMS carma I wasn't fully prepared. Actually not at all and I cooked it all in a matter of... hours. I need to make the intro of live reporting. There ARE five days... I will definitely do everything. I CAN do everything and win. It doesn't look impossible. Yeah. I have been doing since grade 8. I like doing media and writing. Plus I am the director and everything. It's all worth it if we seriously put our hardwork into an art. At the end, the panel of judges will be judging them. Art is not like Physics. Or Math. Or Biology. Or Chemistry. Art can never be wrong. It is not factual list of mathematical answers or tough names to be memorized; it is something you create. Thus your creation is a part of you. It can be wrong. It CAN be bad. Or good. But it can never be wrong. When a group of people come together and are asked to judge a piece of art that you have poured your hardwork in, there will be times when you don't win. It is because there are judges. They are humans. Humans tend to have opinions and egos. When judging art, they can be disillusioned because of their own experiences. They might not like the song used in. Or have a personal grudge against a person quoted in the video. Maybe they are racists and stupid and don't like the touching painting you created. Maybe they are all men and you know where they think from... Maybe one of them is a hard core feminist which has enabled her to be VERY narrow minded about other things thus resulting in frowning upon the girl being saved by a man.
The list goes on of examples. The point being... they are people also. If you don't win in a competition that includes your creativity and your imagination, that doesn't mean you suck. At all. It doesn't mean anything. It's actually sad for THEM that they weren't able to understand the profound meaning (if any as this post is for intellects. Not some... well... you know. :l) behind it. I am more of technical person because I like things pretty. Let it be writing styles or lyrics of a good song. Likewise if something sentimental is shot beautifully, I would go for it. If it's good quality and the slow motion... and you know... something that touches your heart... why not? I love that. Normal people should love that too. But well majority of the people are again amazingly stupid. I like to film. But I like to film stuff beautifully. And win because of my own unique style. When I say I want to win... I mean I want to put everything I have into my 'field of art' and win. So that if I don't... you know whose fault it is. Definitely the media illiterate judges who are all... well actors and don't know "Sony Vegas" is.
I know. Painfully sad world I live. *heavy sighs*
I have this competition in a few hours. You can. I shall be napping in.. 20 or so minutes. Because right now... I am ranting. And again, I have elevated myself and given myself strength through writing. So I don't want to touch the sentimental things that is now hidden. I have mentioned before in the previous posts... I like a guy. But I have decided; I am going to move on from him. Or the image I have created of him. I don't like his company or the fact that my feelings are material that they laugh on. I don't like it one bit. I have realized that people are very immature. And I am in an institution that doesn't please me anymore only because of the people here. Animals. Laughing at other peoples' expenses.
And he is one them. He knows. And he laughs at me with his friend. A practical joke I have become to them. That is not how people should react. If you laugh at someone and someone's feelings, then you don't even deserve to be loved or liked. Or anything human. You hang out with guys with no class just because they crack dirty jokes and you laugh in those meaningless minutes... woohoo... is that really who you are? You do realize why you always have the most fun doing the wrong things. There is a reason to that. An attraction already built into it. But it is I believe morally wrong.
You know what?
Everyone of them needs to read some shoujo manga. Seriously. If you know about someone's feelings without them actually saying to you (my fault but I can't HELP it. This is just how I am! I AM NOT CHANGING!) then be considerate. Or DECENT.
YES. That word. Decent. Decency! Ah. I love it how it slips off my tongue! DECENCY! IT'S NO WHERE!
Well... I have decided. Not worth it so I am going to move on with this whatever-you-call-it. You know it's time to do so when you have become a practical joke to someone. And I don't expect him to stand up for me because I like HIM. Not the other way around. And he is not standing up for me as his friends laugh at me so he is not worth as a person. Because everyone is normal. Awful normals. SO YES> NOT WORTH IT! MUST. MOVE. ON.
YOSH!
Btw. Florence and the Machine is <3 :D
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